Extreme Summers? Extreme Winters? Or Spring it is…

Well, most people I know love Spring as it reflects stability and life, while I’ve almost always loved extreme winters; to the extent of having a butterscotch and then a much needed cup of Latte.  Even mathematicians love the middle part of normal distribution and hate the outliers. But, when I look back at life, I realize the importance of these extremes. I’ve come across Autowallah who took a wrong path and I ended up getting down at an awkward place at a not so good time but I’ve also dealt with the one who returned after 35 minutes after leaving the other three people all the way just because he had said he would. I’ve seen people picking up a ten rupee note when they know who it belongs to, but I’ve also been fortunate to see a poor rickshaw puller returning somebody’s wallet. Way back, I received an anonymous gift packet which had a small idol of Krishna and a note that said “To the most honest person I’ve met. Wish you very best in life.” I never mentioned about it to anyone but my parents. I felt fortunate and prayed to Krishna to help me become a good human being. And then, on one of the days I received an anonymous packet which had a book titled “Fifty Shades of Grey” and I felt disgusted, disrespected and what not. For a moment, I felt, perhaps, that book was not even worth being used as a toilet paper (no offence to the author or the admirers of erotic literature) and felt disgusted to a degree which was unknown till then. After wasting some time in thinking what might have driven someone to send me an offensive gift, I somehow saw that small Krishna on my table and smiled. Then, it came to my mind that my today’s prayer meant “He, by whom the world is not agitated and whom the world cannot agitate, he who remains calm in times of joy, anger, fear and anxiety, is dear to me.”  It’s only through negative infinity that we realize the positivity of positive infinity; it’s important for us to see the worst to be able to appreciate the best a little better. And without any exaggeration, a small bad happening, makes all the good ones a little dearer. It’s worthy enough to go through the worst for a moment if it creates greater love and respect for all the best moments and people you’ve met forever.

If only you could tell me

If only you could tell me, which face to talk to
The one that’s kind and generous to me,
The other that is ruthless towards so many
If only you could tell me, which hand to hold on to
The one that helps me get up when I fall back,
The other that forces down so many
If only you could tell me, which eyes to believe in
The ones that peep into my heart with innocence,
The others those look down upon so many
If only you could tell me, which heart belongs to you
The one which is full of love for me,
The other which is full of apathy for so many
If only you could tell me, If only I could understand,
If only you would tell me, If only I would understand!

My irrational attempt to rationalize trust

Being aware of quite a bit of economics and having developed a love for numbers, I thought I could derive an empirical proof of the most overused word of mine - Trust or Faith. Obviously, I am a rational person, at least so to say! This led me into thinking -  What is it that creates trust? And the first thing that comes to my mind is - encapsulated interest. I trust you because I think it is in your interest to take care of my interests. Can profitability be the sole motive of trust? In The Brothers Karamazov, Trifonov is honest to Lt. Colonel so long as the illegal business has to go on. But as soon as he realizes about the last transaction, he refuses to return the 4500 roubles to Lt. Makes sense, no? Isn't that the reason why people serving their notice period or managers right before their retirement stage, work less? This analysis is flawed somewhere. Because somebody might be trustworthy in the strong sense that they would reciprocate even when it's against their interests in the rational sense of cost-benefit analysis. And here I've an argument - Trust, may be, requires something more than rational reasons. Intuitively correct, it doesn't seem to fantasize me. Can this more be quantified? Okay, may be qualitatively specified?

And then while I was thinking hard, came my father, with apples cut in the plate and a fork next to it (I know he's not very fond of "peeling the apple job" and requests mom when he wants one for himself) which he offered me to eat with his ever so beautiful smile and a lovely Good night. It was then I realized that the rational analysis of trust was so very irrational in itself, until I consider an element of "Well-being". It might be my interest to earn more money, to get a better job but the happiness I obtain from that "more money" in the form of, say buying a better car, actually gets realized when I drive with my loved ones in that car to India Gate and spend the beautiful moments of my life. I might enjoy a lovely dinner, but I might enjoy it more with you. And so, came to my mind that when I say "trust encapsulated in mutual interests", it's just a proxy, or rather a poor proxy for "all that matters to me" and that certainly is much more meaningful than just interests. And while trust for a moment might seem to be rationally motivated by rational expectations, it's the respect that makes that trust sustainable and love that makes that trust meaningful - the three elements of a beautiful life.

Life is beautiful

Walking on the green grass, sipping through the coffee,

Life is beautiful, indeed it is,
I saw those two little bare feet flit over the ground,
I wished they were the tender little feet enjoying the grass.

Sitting on the side of the ocean, playing with the beautiful sand
Life is beautiful, indeed it is
I saw those little empty eyes, looking across ocean,
I wished they were relishing the beauty of vastness of ocean.

Dancing in the rain, feeling the fresh drops of love,
Life is beautiful, indeed it is,
I saw those little weak hands,
I wished they were feeling the purity of rain drops.

Those two little bare feet strayed into my heart,
And left an everlasting sadness in my smile.
Those two little empty eyes peeped into my eyes,
And left me waiting with that lingering pity in their look.
Those two little weak hands touched upon my soul,
And lightly impressed on the dust the chronicle of their need,
to be erased by a passing breeze of my beautiful life.

Found an old hindi poem - Jiyo, utho, badho, jeeto!

जीवन की उलझनों के धागों मैं फंसा
बैठा मैं खो अपनी हंसी,
वोह चंचल आवाज़, वोह सुन्दर मुस्कराहट
वोह नटखट आँखे, वोह प्यारी बातें|
खुद से बातें करता मैं, यूँ ही चलता चलता मैं
आ गया इक बगीचे मैं,
हँसती हुई तितली ने मुझे पुकारा,
खिसियाती हुई गिलहरी ने मुझे बुलाया
मुस्कुराती हुई कलि ने मेरी और देखा,
पर मैंने किया सब अनदेखा|
इस पर बूढ़े पेड़ ने, मुझे बुलाया,
नम आँखों से देखते हुए मैंने अपना सर उठाया,
पुछा उसने, गुलिस्तान मैं आकर भी आंसू बहाते हो क्यूँ?
इन पंछियों की चेहेक से कतराते हो क्यूँ?
मुझे भी तो बताओ, ग़म छुपाते हो क्यूँ|
आंसूं आखों से पलकों तक आये, और फिर छलकने मैं देर न लगी
कहा मैंने, सब कुछ हो रहा है गलत,
चाहता हूँ मैं अछाई का साथ देना,
चाहता हूँ मैं इस जहां को भी गुलिस्तान बनाना,
पर नहीं कह पाता कुछ, नहीं सजा पाता इसे|
करना तो मैं बहुत कुछ चाहता हूँ, पर कुछ भी नहीं कर पाता मैं
तुम ही बताओ, क्या मैं न दुखी होऊं?
इस पर बूढ़े वृक्ष ने मुस्कुरा के कहा,
सब जानता हूँ मैं, सब समझता हूँ,
सिर्फ एक बात तुमसे कहता हूँ,
जियो उठो बढ़ो जीतो,
खुश रहो, मुस्कुराओ,
तेरा मेरा जहाँ|

My song for you

My words will spread their happiness around you like the fond arms of love,
My smile will touch your forehead like a kiss of blessing,
My heart will sit in the pupil of your eyes and carry your vision to the truthfulness of soul,
My song will fill your heart with love and make it throb with kindness,
My promise will be like a pair of wings to your dreams when the fear of unknown makes you frail,
My prayers will be like a shining star when the darkness of lonely dawn starts,
And when my words, smile, heart, song, promise, prayers are silent in death
My dear love will speak in your living heart.

Niti or Nyaya ?

Thinking about fairness, justice or what's the right thing to do, we often fail to understand the subtle difference between the two kinds of justice that the word captures -  Niti and Nyaya. While "Niti" refers to the behavioral correctness, "Nyaya" refers to the intrinsic nature and the impact on the actual lives of people. While it might be a fair niti to punish the person who stole medicines for his child, it's not nyaya. While we may "choose" to follow niti, nyaya is more of the outcome of what has been done or happened. While niti only relies on the rationality of argument, nyaya considers the human element. Having said all that, it's for us and only us to choose between the two. Niti can make us the right person, but it's nyaya that'll be make us the righteous one!

Courtesy: "The Idea of Justice" by Dr. Amartya Sen.

I wish, I just wish, I could

When I see your beautiful heart,

I peep into it through your deep eyes,

I see a hint of sadness, of wavering faith,

I wish, I just wish, I could.

I wish, I could look deep into your eyes,

And bring to you the faith of a beautiful life.

I wish, I could hold your hand,

And make the promise to fulfil all your desires.

I wish, I just wish, I could.

I wish, I could peep into your heart,

And return you the purity of a smile.

I wish, I could just be with you,

And fill you with the light of optimism.

I wish, I just wish, I could

I wish, I could pray for you as gratitude,

And gift you the blessings of success.

I wish, I could take your sorrow as a gift,

And return you the roses of happiness.

I wish, I just wish, I could.

Love to live? or Live to love?

Three words, rephrase and they indeed are two major differences! I've met thousands of people, ever since I've been conscious. Some of them helped me, some made me learn, some praised me, some criticized, some were honest, some dishonest, some made me happy, some made me sad, some of them I loved, some of them I disliked. But in all, there have been only two kind of people -  those who love to live while those who live to love.

People who live to love -  those few people around us for whom our happiness, our satisfaction, our success brings as much joy and pride as their own brings to them or perhaps a little more.Those are the people who love to live their lives happily and peacefully but they also live so that they can spread the love and happiness around themselves. And they really don't go out cribbing about corruption, poverty, immorality or unemployment; they just make sure that they get only as much as they earn for themselves, that they are kind towards that little boy who comes and collects garbage, that they respect that old lady who works as a maid at their home, that they stand upright in all situations, that their every breath has a meaning. Those are the people who will be there to hold you when you fall, who will scold you and then make you smile right from your heart, people who'll see the tears behind your smile, people who'll criticize you the most but will support you infinitely, people who'll smile and wave their hand even when you are running the maddening race of life and every time you'll slowdown to take a breath, they'll be there to share the cup of coffee.

And then comes the second category - people who love to live. They are kind and generous, but only till you are their friend; you might stand behind them, but they'll move on; people you praise because that's what you are supposed to do; people you like only because you just do not dislike them; people who are there with you, because they just happen to be there.

Here's what I've to say - You might love to live and only love to live, but make sure that there are a few people, your own people for whom you "Live to love". Consider yourself fortunate and be thankful to Almighty if you've even one such person around you :) 

"Even if you are going to be two-faced, make sure at least one them is pretty"

                                                                                                                                 - Sylvia Plath

The glass ceiling of desire between capability and human good

On some lucky days, I happen to wake up before time and hence have an opportunity to sit with my parents and chat while taking sips of my coffee lazily. Those are my best mornings; better than the ones I spend in ignorant, deep slumber. My parents (and even I) have always claimed that they are spiritual, to an extent religious but not blindly superstitious in the name of religion, to which I agree by and large. Random discussions on religion prompted me ask what was the significance of tilak. My papa asked me to list the parts of human brain and the moment I said "Cerebrum"; he confirmed that it was "Neo Front Cortex" too (colloquially). After I agreed, he pointed out that humans, of all the living organisms have this cerebrum which differentiates humans from animals, who cannot "feel" or realize the pain (or for that sake happiness) of the fellow being. It's because of this cerebrum that I can see the person in front of me is sad or hungry or happy or depressed without his having told me about that. He further clarified that Tilak indicates the presence of this capability that makes us humanE BEings.

I wonder if human brain is hard wired to feel the misery of fellow beings, so that he can help them, why is it that we fail to see anyone else's problems except ours? I guess that's the gap between our capabilities to help others and our desire to do so. I wish had desire to help been hard wired in our brain instead of the capability to do so, the world would have been a better place to live in.

My impossible trinity - Luxury, Love for life and Ambition

I've always believed that happiness, family, love, respect, satisfaction are my primary motivators. I love to take a sip of coffee, draw and paint at my whims, chat with my Papa early in the morning while reading newspaper, share thoughts with my Mom while strolling on the terrace at night, talking and sharing with my friends and people I love and care for. With all this, I am also passionate for studying, reading new subjects, working hard, being a part of the teams where I can learn, which slowly worked to drag me away from my Engineering into MBA. And then, when I think about the kind of environment I would be in, after MBA, it looks like a mismatch with all that I love. 

I then, think about a concept called Impossible Trinity, taught in my most favourite class, and I think Luxury,  "Love for life' and Ambition are the three things I cannot achieve simultaneously. It's an impossible trinity and I've to give up one of those whether I want or not. But then, controlling your "love for life" involves several distortions and satisfaction is highly correlated with the other two variables - either in the short run or long run for different people. Theory rejected!

My next thought - Okay, may be I can have a perfect mix of the three; A balanced life with (1/3,1/3,1/3) mix of each of the three variables. This would be something similar to Mixed Nash Equilibrium where you've all the strategies in an appropriate mix which maximizes your happiness. However, game theory assumes people and rational - and that's not true, of all the people even more for me.

Then, I decide not to apply any theory. After all, theories are supposed to make life easier but for me it was getting worse. They are making me think "Have I chosen luxury and ambition after giving up my so dear "love for life" ?". 

But, if ambition leads to a work environment that is energizing, developing, open for new ideas, and well balanced; if ambition is realizing your potential and doing all you can with due dilligence; then ambition it is! Luxury cannot be a motivator in itself and love for life but without ambition is almost meaningless and probably even, unsustainable in the long run.

But, all the combinations of these two, could be or more so "are" phases in a long career, beautiful life and a deep love for life :) :) !!

My two take aways from the first year at IIFT

Before IIFT, without any exaggeration I had been in a very protected environment, in a group of people largely similar to myself and I had that magical solution to all my problems " A wonderful dinner with Mom, Papa, Bhaai and Daadi at home with the ever so beautiful talk". And I only knew one thing about people and life in general " People are good" and "Life is beautiful". But, in IIFT I got to know 24 * 7 observation of how things work and here're two key things I learnt:

1. You can still deal with people; even if they are not idealistic

When my father used to tell me that you can let go the fact that people are not as truthful as you think they should be, I always used to look at him and say "Come on! You taught me that. And it's okay; this is not what I need to say to sympathize me. Never mind." He always said that everyone has some qualities, and you'll get to know those if you stay with them for long enough. And that I would like to work and be with anyone and everyone if only, I could give them enough chances, so many that they finally impress me. I never agreed with him. But here, at IIFT I saw that, I felt that. And I think, it's going to help me be a better person :)

2. Sincerity is just one aspect of the play; there's more to it

I come in the category of those typical people who believe that sincerity and hard work can help you do anything. Yes, I still believe that there's no alternative to sincerity and hard work; and that a sincere person is any day better off than the one who's not. However, there's more to sincerity; one has to be competent enough. If you are sincere, but you are not competent enough to perform on time and do not bring anything for the team, you might get a couple of chances but it'll be only half the ingredients for achieving anything.

And of course, the most important thing that got re-emphasized - Sometimes it just helps that you have some your people(refers to P3R3) around yourself :) They might not say anything but that they are there gives you assurance, satisfaction and happiness.

To my dear love

Eternal, beautiful, infinite is my love,

I have loved you, in myriad of ways and numerous forms,

All my poems, my words of love, of care are yours forever,

Life after life, age after age, year after year, forever

In the ballad of love, its pain, its beauty,

I stare more and yet some more, only to see your shadow,

Piercing the depth of words, right through the eyes of my heart,

Your love becomes an image of what remains forever,

Life after life, age after age, year after year, forever

The paradox of rich and poor...

Today is Diwali - the most important festival of Hindus; the festival in which we pray to Goddess Lakshmi to bestow us with happiness and prosperity. And, I am one of those few fortunate people, who have their parents to ensure that all the world's happiness - the one I deserve and the one which I do not - is all mine. To celebrate Diwali with some street food I went out around 9:00 pm with a thought in the mind that we might not get much food due to early closing of shops. To my happiness, I found BTW open. I jumped out of the car and ordered food; telling mom and papa that we are fortunate enough that a decent eating outlet is open. However, while collecting my Rawa Dosa and Aaloo Tikki from them, I realized that I was taking food from some really sad people. Then, I thought, that they, like me, would have desired to celebrate Diwali with their kids, their family. That it was almost 10 pm, the time by which they should have reached home, had their dinner and should have been spending beautiful time with their family. While taking the bite of delicious tikki and dosa, I felt if I was being selfish, if I was taking advantage of belonging to so called "better off" family, if it was "my" society, if I would also become selfish when I become a full-fledged part of the corporate world.....

When I was a child.....

When I was a child, I always thought good people were respected

When I grew up a little, I thought intelligent people were respected,

When I grew up a little more, I thought smart people were respected,

When I grew up still some more, I thought rich people were respected,

It has now turned out that people aren’t respected, it’s just money

Some more money, and yet some more of it.

When I was a child, I always thought innocent people were loved,

When I grew up a little, I thought hard working people were loved,

When I grew up a little more, I thought sincere people were loved,

When I grew up still some more, I thought people at high position were loved,

It has now turned out that people aren’t respected, it’s just power

Some more power, and yet some more of it.

When I was a child, I always thought life was all about my chocolates and butterscotch,

When I grew up a little, I thought life was about my dreams and desires,

When I grew up a little more, I thought life was about happiness of my loved ones,

When I grew up still some more, I thought life was about uprightness and his blessings,

It has now turned out that there are some, for whom, life is but a choice between survival and survival.

When I was a child, I always thought, I could be innocent forever,

When I grew up a little, I thought, I could be good forever,

When I grew up a little more, I thought, I could be honest forever,

When I grew some more, I thought, I could be ethical forever,

It has now turned out that, it is, but a choice between being bad and pretending to be good.

When I was a child, I always thought I was free,

When I grew up a little, I thought my senses were bound by my childlike wishes,

When I grew up a little more, I thought my heart was bound by love,

When I grew some more, I thought my mind was bound by respect,

It has now turned out that my soul is forged with the chains of selfishness, greed, wants and desires.